Friday, May 13, 2005

...it's been at time.

I typed a whole post, then lost it. bugger.

Must. hit. save. more.

So far I have...

--> Gotten new day gig.
--> Quit old day gig with four days' notice.
--> Quit valet gig at Spiffy!Hotel.
--> started new day gig this Monday.
--> been asked to work for old day gig as "consultant"
--> worked almost a full week at Spark!Co.
--> still done a couple hours at SG 'cause they needed projects finished.

I'm having that moment where I don't know if I did the right thing. I mean, yes, more money (a fuck of a lot more money, if we're going to be honest - my private reaction when I got to my car after they named the hourly may have been nervous laughter) but creatively it's not that big a challenge. I won't have to work nearly as hard here. There's a lot more structure & it's all very very corporate, which basically means I have to suppress the tendency to be...well..me.

On the upside, I will have a great deal of experience with project management and basic site upkeep, plus I'll have large scale site maintenance. Plus it's a contract gig for three months before either myself or my employer decides if I'm to become full time perm, so if I leave after three months... well, in the design industry that's a natural progression to work as a contractor or consultant. I know designers who have literally freelanced or been placed by firms their entire career.

In all truth, I'd said before that I was thinking of just taking a high-paying contract gig for the money & then bailing on LA at the end of the summer. I think that three years counts as having given California a chance. Or LA, anyway - I've been working so much since getting here that I haven't been anywhere else in CA. (which reminds me...I should really go to Disneyworld before I leave. Just 'cause.) Considering the contract work that SG needs done & the money I'll be getting here...I could do it. I could bail & go to UnNamedCityI'dBeenEyeing. Who knows. Maybe I'll venture out there 4th of July weekend & look around, since I won't have to work on the weekends anymore.

I don't know. I just... I don't know. I think part of it is that I'd spent so long having to run things at SG (to a degree) that it's very hard to just step away & not know how that's going to end up - especially since I'll be in & out of there all summer, which means I'll probably see the person(s) that they hire to replace me. And JT - love that boy, but he doesn't understand why I left. He hasn't said anything, but I know he's pissed at me for bailing. I just...how do you explain to someone who's never had to pay their parents' rent so that the family has a roof over its head what it's like to be piss fucking poor? I don't know. I think the two of us are going to have a chat. or an e-mail. Possibly better not to say that in person. I have to call J today when I get out of work - she's going to be sitting in on the interviews for my replacement for PG, & based on what he was saying to me yesterday, I want her to make sure he hires the person that's right for the job, not just hire someone quickly to prove to me that he can move on w/o me there. First off, it'll screw him over & he's on his second assist. in two years because that's the way he hires, & secondly because I don't want to get a phone call in three months because he's let my replacement go & wants to know if I can come in & consult to clean up the mess.

It's just...it's flux. it's all a big ball of flux, because I'm changing jobs, so my paychecks are off their normal cycle until the end of the month, & I'm going away to help lawgeekgurl move, so I'm working at my new gig for a week & a half, then going away for a week, then coming back to the new gig & still having to make arrangements with the old gig to make sure that the source material will be ready for when I get back, otherwise there's no reason for me to even go in there. Oh, and to add to the fun, I've got finals between June 1st & June 14th. So hey - no pressure!

My brain is hurty. And somewhere around the 14th of June, I can sleep a full night.

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