Monday, July 25, 2005

Bored, party of one.

Got a phone call from my sister this weekend - it would seem my nephew Lil' Spawn managed to put his shoes on all by himself. On the right feet, at that. And, in true line of being my sister's child, he picked the ones that were already tied. The sketchers that had no laces? Pretty much the shit if you ask my sister.

Meanwhile, remember how me getting a new job was supposed to mean I'd be working less? Yeah, no, that really hasn't turned out that way. *g* Of course, instead of parking cars, now I'm getting offers for freelance work and my brain is just like, "I don't know when I can..." I have the ongoing SG & PG work, two of my neighbors have asked me to do work for them, G over at VotD wants to add a subsection to the site before we even do a redesign of the public site...oh, and my old boss from SG (the one that hired me that I actually liked) e-mailed me over the weekend because he's got so much freelance work right now that he wanted to know if I could subcontract for him. hah!

I'm to finally start rowing tonight. We'll see how that goes. I dunno, I'm just...I'm bored. I'm bored with everything right now, and that's all I can think of when I try to figure out why I'm so restless as of late. It's not that I'm not getting things done, it's just getting up the motivation to get things done. Anyway, hopefully having crew to distract me will help. Plus I'm rather looking forward to getting the hell out of LA for a weekend in August. While I've made attempts to go hiking & the like, inland mts. are different than coastals, & I need mts. that are more green, & less...desert. I dunno. it just seems like the mts. here are really...dry. I'm not used to that. Anyway, since the mts. I grew up in are a little too close to my family for the safety of my psychological well-being, I'll give Colorado a shot for a weekend & see if that helps. ;)

Meanwhile, I've finished everything I had to work on today, so now I think I might go work on making a banaba leaf in flash. 'cause my life is fun like that.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Shining Armor Syndrome.

The following post will possibly not make any sense since I don't feel like revealing my source material out of deference to my non-internet existence.
shut up. I do too have a non-internet existence!

There is, it would seem, a slight misguidance as of late. or not really as of late, but more that I'm seeing it a lot around me in some of the guys I know in recent events & the like.

Every girl likes the idea of a knight in shining armor. It's a lovely thought, it really is. That guy, that's there in the clinch. The one that never lets you down when there's a crisis, that always says the right thing. And there are guys that are like that - they know what to say, and then they can feel better afterwards because they "did the right thing".

My thing is, what about when that's all they're there for? I mean, to me, if you're someone that I count as a friend, someone participating in my life, then I think of you that way because you, ya know...participate in my life, and I, in turn, participate in yours. Now I'm not saying that my friends & I are all attached at the hip & Think With The One Mind - hell, three of the people I would consider amongst my best friends aren't even within two thousand miles of me right now. But we talk to one another, we know what's the what. In between the inevitable crises, we talk to one another when wandering Target, or while walking the dog, or whatever. And it's not about huge, earth-shattering issues, it's about life's little inanities - the fact that the dog chundered because of the heat, or that your boss wore just the ugliest shirt ever, but you and another employee oogled the consultant that gave a sales presentation today because under the suit was a very. hawt. man. *g*

And it's not always phone. God knows, I've typed more to people I haven't talked to in years, or even ever seen, in some cases. And to me, these people are my friends because, well, they share their life with me. Even if the AIM or e-mail consists of "I am so fucking bored and it's too damn hot out" - that's their day to day life.

But if you don't share that with others, and you're just the person who shows up every so often, or says the poetic thing in a crisis - does that make you a friend, or just the guy that works well during drama? how can you consider someone a friend if you don't know a damn thing about them? I had a guy friend say, "Well I talked to her when she had that thing," - well that's great, but about since the thing? What about when she's not freaking out?

See here's the thing - friendship is two ways. You can't just sit there, and watch people's lives, and expect that that equals friendship if they're not allowed into your life in return. Then you're not a friend, you're kind of just a lurker. And while lurkers might have a slight appeal due to the enigma terms of someone that I'd trust - yeah, pretty much no.
'cause if you're not even making an effort to talk on some sort of regular basis, if you just show up, spout pretty words and then disappear...then you're not a friend - you're just a guy she knows who every so often says nice things, then goes away for a while again.

And after a couple times of that...well personally, I'd have a hard time taking a damn thing you say seriously, because
a) I'll know you're not gonna stick around, and
b) I'm going to start to wonder if you're here because you actually give a shit about me, or if you're here just enough so you can tell yourself you're a good guy.

Constantly talking isn't always communication. True. But not bothering to talk 90% of the time isn't communication either. So to the Silent Knights in Shining Armor of the world, I say this :

Fuckin' say something.

To borrow from John Cusack - say anything. If you say the wrong thing...try again! If you were there for the bad part and you survived, chances are, she might want to share the good parts with you too, and last I checked...isn't there a reason they're call the good parts?

Friday, July 15, 2005

good performance, but a little shaky on the dismount...

Why is it that in most situations I have perfectly acceptable pithy commentary, but with guys I don't know, I can never think of what to say?

< scenario >
Claris realizes that elevator from parking to store level of Target is closing, jogs a few steps and slides into elevator leg-first in a slightly stealing 3rd-base sort of fashion. Not really paying attention, she kinda tilts her head at the cute guy already in the elevator & says "made it"

To which he replies, "Nice save."

Elevator starts to go up, and Cute Guy adds, "Nice save and a beauty at that - every guy's dream."

...and suddenly, I'm frelled. I kinda smile, say thank you, and boom, eyes to the ground. I'm sure I blushed a bunch. I suddenly have no clue what to say. I suck when complimented. Does that make sense? and I know what it is. The problem is that I've spent so long in environments where I constantly have to fight, that I don't know what to do when I don't have to fight anymore.

But come on, where was my brain? WHERE? any other day, I'm pithy! I'm quick-witted! Amusing, even! That moment? yeah no. I got nothin'. I have no idea how to keep going! so instead the doors opened & I was embarassed & I skittered away quickly because I was embarassed & went to get my freakin' rawhide bones for the dog instead of saying something cool to the cute guy.
< /scenario >


Dear Cute Guy in the Elevator at Target:

"And I've got way better hair than David Beckham."

That's totally what I meant to say. Seriously.

Sorry I'm a goober.
~ Claris

::sigh:: gotta work on that.

"It's not that I don't have a comeback. I do. Oh don't worry, it's day will come! ~ Xander Harris"

non-law ignorance admittal.

So I've been looking, & looking, & I can't find it. Maybe I don't know where to look to find it. Which leads me to the following:
Question for my legal people :

Hamdan's trial was halted by a district court judge who declared the military tribunal procedures unlawful. U.S. District Judge James Robertson had ruled that the trial could not proceed until a decision had been made on whether Hamdan was a prisoner of war under the Geneva Conventions.

The appeals court said that ruling was wrong, and said the Geneva Conventions do not help Hamdan.

"One problem for Hamdan is that he does not fit the ... definition of a 'prisoner of war' entitled to the protection of the convention," Judge A. Raymond Randolph wrote in a 20-page ruling. "Another problem for Hamdan is that the 1949 Convention does not apply to al Qaeda and its members."

Claris' question : Um...Why not?

Just because you say they don't doesn't mean they don't. I mean, from the devil's advocate point that y'all are supposedly able to argue from any objective point of view, what's their actual...justification for it? Is there even any? Because the one thing I can't seem to find is, you know... a reason that Geneva doesn't apply. If we would expect N. Korea or China to treat our prisoners humanely in a situation where they've acquired U.S. soldiers in a time when war hasn't been formally announced, what's the government's justification for not doing so during occupation of another country?

Because I can't seem to find any established judgement that allows them to even make that decision. On the one hand, there's...the Geneva Convention. On the other, there doesn't even seem to be a little-known blue law from Massachusetts circa 1710 regarding how high women can lift their skirt to cross a puddle to help with their argument. I just figured I'd ask.

So I suppose my question is - what are they specifically citing in their argument that justifies this? Now, if it's just a shitty position & they're using some sort of arcane loophole, what's their citation for it? What's their documentation? 'cause otherwise, I could pretty much just declare myself president. Why? Because I say so, and hey, they did it!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

three minutes left at work.

someone wants my dresser! they're going to come get it Sat am, which is spiffy. more room & $80 for me. and just this morning I was thinking that I'd have to give the St. Paul society a call to come get it. (Out of the Closet doesn't do pick ups.)

I'm at this odd precipice right now. As far as work goes, the day job is literally a cakewalk most of the time. In terms of freelance work, I'm doing a rather large commission gig tonight that will allow me to drop a good amt. in the bank & also take care of some odds & ends, including fixing my economic cycle to the point where my landlord will get rent before the 1st of each month. (I know, he's gonna be shocked too. Or at least he would if he actually picked up the checks. he's a little lax in the part where you pay attention.) For long-term freelance, the amt. of things to do for SG has dwindled down to literally one side of one page of a steno pad.

I feel like I'm making progress. Finally, maybe making progress. How lovely would that be? so. very.

Hence that second. It's that odd second in the storm where you look up & hey, check that shit out, there's the edge of the clouds. My problem being that I'm so used to living in the middle of a maelstrom that I'm wary of the end.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I didn't plan this! It's the beeeeeest!

I swear to the gods I didn't make this up - look what I got when I put in my r/l full name :

Claris is worn out.
Sleep when you're dead! Whether it's emotionally or physically, you're exhausted. Have you considered sleeping pills? I took them when I had mono, and they made everything better.
brought to you by interim32. wanna know your lj's moodring color? enter your user name and hit the button. (discussion thread)

Hi Dilbert.

Actual complaint just overheard in my office :
"Great. Now we're going to have to keep our Blackberries on default all the time!"

Awww...poor baby.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Ben, you're my man. Jerry, you're frelling cool too.

It's possible that pints of B&J are on sale 2/$5 this week, and that while they did not have my beloved low-fat chocolate chip cookie dough, some low-fat half-baked & a pint of strawberry managed to find their way into my home.
However, since the house is clean, the dog is clean, and my clothing will also be clean in hour & a half by the time the dryer gets done, I think that I can happily settle in with my boys Ben & Jerry, don't you? *g*

I realize there should be something more meaningful here, but I just don't feel like it. Other than the boss on The Office DVDs that A lent me kind of frightens me in that his awkwardness & incompetence is quite a bit like the one I left behind. She was right about one thing, though - Tim's the best. In The Office, that is. I still maintain that the Prime Minister & Natalie are my favorites in Love Actually. ::shrug::

Also, listening to British people for hours on end has me repressing the urge to say "Brilliant" and "Right then."

Friday, July 08, 2005

done yet?

my brain is verra tired. I had to excuse myself to Melly yesterday because right now I'm mostly writing reports & correcting code, so whenever anyone says anything to me, my knee-jerk response has been to reply, "You should go write that down first." Seriously. Ask Sachiel. *g*

Oy, though. Didn't I get an art degree? Not to sound all cliche & shit, but come on - I'm an artist, damn you! ::shaky fist!::

Actually, I have to admit that it could be worse. My boss at Spark!Co. (who I believe I shall call NZGuy rather than "my boss at Spark!Co" because I'm too lazy to type all that) admitted to me today that he's been writing so many reports lately because of the re-org that he's just been sending all of the day to day site maintenance and a couple of the special projects my way & apologized for the extra work. Considering the man had just found out someone double-booked him for three meetings that crossed over one another by about an hour, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm still not able to fill my day. ::shrug:: I used the opportunity to ask & make sure I'm doing what he needs, is there anything I could be doing better, rah rah rah (nine months of temping when I got to LA teaches one these preventative steps) and was told no no, I'm doing just fine, much better than expected.

Got home last night, took the puppers for a four mile jaunt. I think we both needed it. I was only going to do three miles, but then I remembered that my gas tank was on "E" and I had no cash in my wallet, so we tossed in the extra mile to go down to Cresent Height/Santa Monica Blvd. so that I could make an ATM pit stop.

I think the monster is going to get her play at the park tonight, & then I'm going to once again be a mean, horrid mommy & leave her in the house while I go & do file miles. I got to the end of the four last night & I was still stiff when I went to stretch. The problem with progress is tha tyou have to do more to get the same effect that less accomplished before. And really? That's so not fair.

came across a job ad the other night for what would basically be the PERFECT gig for me to use to move out of LA. I'd not thought I'd be considering that until about Nov. after I'd finished up the job & gotten that invoice paid. However, I decided to send in a full portfolio sample anyway. it can't hurt, right?

it's possible you've been making too many lists lately to get things done when you find yourself writing a shopping list that contains "new notebook for lists".