Friday, July 22, 2005

Shining Armor Syndrome.

The following post will possibly not make any sense since I don't feel like revealing my source material out of deference to my non-internet existence.
shut up. I do too have a non-internet existence!

There is, it would seem, a slight misguidance as of late. or not really as of late, but more that I'm seeing it a lot around me in some of the guys I know in recent events & the like.

Every girl likes the idea of a knight in shining armor. It's a lovely thought, it really is. That guy, that's there in the clinch. The one that never lets you down when there's a crisis, that always says the right thing. And there are guys that are like that - they know what to say, and then they can feel better afterwards because they "did the right thing".

My thing is, what about when that's all they're there for? I mean, to me, if you're someone that I count as a friend, someone participating in my life, then I think of you that way because you, ya know...participate in my life, and I, in turn, participate in yours. Now I'm not saying that my friends & I are all attached at the hip & Think With The One Mind - hell, three of the people I would consider amongst my best friends aren't even within two thousand miles of me right now. But we talk to one another, we know what's the what. In between the inevitable crises, we talk to one another when wandering Target, or while walking the dog, or whatever. And it's not about huge, earth-shattering issues, it's about life's little inanities - the fact that the dog chundered because of the heat, or that your boss wore just the ugliest shirt ever, but you and another employee oogled the consultant that gave a sales presentation today because under the suit was a very. hawt. man. *g*

And it's not always phone. God knows, I've typed more to people I haven't talked to in years, or even ever seen, in some cases. And to me, these people are my friends because, well, they share their life with me. Even if the AIM or e-mail consists of "I am so fucking bored and it's too damn hot out" - that's their day to day life.

But if you don't share that with others, and you're just the person who shows up every so often, or says the poetic thing in a crisis - does that make you a friend, or just the guy that works well during drama? how can you consider someone a friend if you don't know a damn thing about them? I had a guy friend say, "Well I talked to her when she had that thing," - well that's great, but um...how about since the thing? What about when she's not freaking out?

See here's the thing - friendship is two ways. You can't just sit there, and watch people's lives, and expect that that equals friendship if they're not allowed into your life in return. Then you're not a friend, you're kind of just a lurker. And while lurkers might have a slight appeal due to the enigma factor...in terms of someone that I'd trust - yeah, pretty much no.
'cause if you're not even making an effort to talk on some sort of regular basis, if you just show up, spout pretty words and then disappear...then you're not a friend - you're just a guy she knows who every so often says nice things, then goes away for a while again.

And after a couple times of that...well personally, I'd have a hard time taking a damn thing you say seriously, because
a) I'll know you're not gonna stick around, and
b) I'm going to start to wonder if you're here because you actually give a shit about me, or if you're here just enough so you can tell yourself you're a good guy.

Constantly talking isn't always communication. True. But not bothering to talk 90% of the time isn't communication either. So to the Silent Knights in Shining Armor of the world, I say this :

Fuckin' say something.

To borrow from John Cusack - say anything. If you say the wrong thing...try again! If you were there for the bad part and you survived, chances are, she might want to share the good parts with you too, and last I checked...isn't there a reason they're call the good parts?

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