Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Look I just...I just want to go to the bathroom!

So I walk into the bathroom at Ins!Co, and honestly, it's not a good moment. One of the odd side effects that I'm finding in going back to training is that food just...doesn't stay in me that long - my body burns through it quicker or something. Which sadly, means that the end of burning through it - aka, the visit to the dou-bluh-vais-say becomes a panic moment of "must. go. now."

I go in, & there's one of the office admins doing the thing where you check your skin because you think you're getting a zit, but you're also reminding yourself that you should pick at it, no matter how much you want to.

Now, I haven't been there that long (and even though no one in the office knows it, I gave my notice today to move to a freelance-to-perm job, so it's not like I'm going to be here after Friday anyway), so I don't actually like, know this woman. Therefore, I give her the Polite Smile - Hi, I know I've seen you, we're in the same space for eight hours a day and I still have no idea who the fuck you are, but I'm sure you're a nice person, so I'm just gonna smile & hope that fulfills what little social obligations I would have in a bathroom.

and then, she starts talking to me. Like, I go in the stall (otherwise known as Me-Space!) and she's rattling away about how she thinks she's getting a zit, and it'll look huge 'cause she thinks she has a big old nose, which leads to her telling me about how her mom is from Spain, and her dad's family is Irish & Cherokee, "so you know there's some Mexican in there somewhere!" and her friend tells her she must be a little black 'cause she's got a bubble butt, rah rah fucking rah.

Meanwhile, all I can think is - "Dude, I don't even know your name, but now I know your sister is 5'7" & has a much cuter nose than you & there are six kids in your family - what, your parents couldn't use some birth control? WTF is this?"

She finally packs up & leaves, which allows me to do my business in blessed peace & quiet. But then I'm thinking, oh my god - she sits like right outside the bathroom doors. You don't think she's like, noticing how long I've been in here, do you? and then she'll tell others that I'm oddly quiet in bathroom stalls & I take too long - and why am I getting paranoid about this in the first place, when she's the one that violated the Office Bathroom Rules of Leave Me the Fuck Alone Once the Stall Door Closes!

Jeebers, man. It's bad enough that I've started closing the door to the bathroom in my own apartment because my dog's new thing is to stand outside the door and wait for me - I don't need to have a Potty-Time Peanut Gallery at work too!


At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talon and Houdini sit at my feet and stare at me.

At 3:28 PM, Blogger claris said...

Animals. Freakish. but at least they've got the excuse of, you know, lacking vocal capabilities & opposable thumbs - this woman, at my office? She's got both, and therefore does not have the "I'm a cute furry animal & do not know better" excuse.

At 6:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, they're vocal, all right. They just don't speak my language.



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