Friday, December 09, 2005

For the record, I hate those C2 oars.

I don't care what everyone else says. If it makes me a wuss, so be it, I like the old Croker oars better - I don't rip up my hands, and I can feel the corner of flipping to square way better.
I realize the above sentence will make sense to maybe two people that read this blog, but I had to say it. and now it's said. Thank you.

I dunno. We're supposed to race on Sunday, and I feel totally not in the groove. First off, our four hasn't had nearly as much time together as we did for the first set of races, we don't have our preferred coswain, and I just felt...off today. I was comfortable for maybe ten minutes when we did a stretch at 16 spm, but otherwise I was too hot because I rowed with my hoodie on, or I was cold because I'd taken my hoodie off & we stopped, & I just... the whole damn practice felt awkward.

Rowing is a sport of analyzation. Possibly overanalyzation. And I feel like when I'm allowed to just...row, I'm fine. When we stop, and I'm told to concentrate on & pick things apart, everything just goes to hell. Stroke is supposed to be solid. Consistent. Like an effin' rock. that's what I continually hear - consistency, consistency, consistency...and when we row for a stretch, I can do that - you just ...go, and turn your brain off, and count the rythmn in your head. I dunno. I just feel like when it comes to rowing, I'm fucking up a lot lately, I guess. I spent the first half of the marina lap this morning thinking about the fact that I was totally out of step and that I couldn't find the goddamn corner of the oar - it's been almost five months now, I should not be having issues with goddamned squaring the oar, especially when I'm sitting stroke, but I just...I can't feel the corner with the C2s & I'm overflipping, which fucks up the drive & throws everyone else off, and then I'm just wasting the time of the three people sitting behind me because I'm not doing my job.

I know we're supposed to be coached, but I'm just feeling more & more...conscious of everything. and not in a good way - like in the panicky "i'm fucking this up" way, and then I just eff up worse. On the one hand, it's like, just...don't talk to me, just let me row...on the other, when they stop talking to you, is it because you're doing things right, or because they've just decided it's not worth trying to say anything about it anymore? You never really know.

Who knows. Maybe it's just the requisite bad dress rehearsal before opening night, but it would be nice to be able to get off the water & not feel like I just did the crew enactment of a Short Bus Special, and lately that's all I got.

1 Comments:

At 12:24 PM, Anonymous raithen said...

{{hugs}}

go with the flow, if you can't. Take the input you get, do what you can with it, and try to let the rest go.

Or something like that. Motivational speaker I ain't ;). But I DO know what you are feeling, and I hope it starts to come together, again. If it's any consolation, I usually find frustrating periods like this come just before a MAJOR improvement/jump in skill....

 

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