Saturday, December 31, 2005

Six Week Experiement

The follow may sound a bit crazy like. That's okay, because it kind of is.

Since I got to LA, I have had a...well we'll just call it a gradual degeneration of my personal social circle - people did things, I did things, it was all just not of the good. In the meantime, it turns out that even if they're 3,000 miles away, your family can still find ways for their psychosis to drive you crazy.

This week, after three years of what could be seen as a downward spiral, I went through an emotional point which we can kindly refer to as "hitting bottom". If nothing else, you'd be surprised how oddly freeing that is. But anyway.

I just know that...I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be bitter about things. I don't want to be paranoid that people are smiling at me to my face and talking shit about me behind my back because I watched them do it to everyone else we know for years before the shit turned on me. I just don't have the capacity for a forum with filters & friendslists &, yeah. I'm no good for that right now.

Hence the six week experiment. I've decided to kind of...go on hiatus from a lot of things for the next six weeks. I was going to cut out bread & pasta for the first month of the year for crew anyway, so I've decided to just roll them all together & give up LiveJournal for a bit as well. During this, I'm taking the semester off from school and hey - the ongoing list to achieve New World Order. I want to see if I can't put things back together again in a way that will mean I'll be okay enough to deal with the way things are. Would I like to go back to the way things were three years ago, when people still pretended things were okay all the time? Yes, yes I would. But that's not going to happen, and I need to make a life with what I've had.

SO! here's my deal. No bread, no pasta, no livejournal...and....(feel free to laugh at this, Melly surely did on the phone today) for each day that I manage to accomplish all three of these things, I get a dollar. ;) I'm going to put my dollar in a box in my office, and at the end of this, I should theoretically be able to finally buy the armchair that I wanted for my living room from Target. (I've already got like, $50 towards it in gift cards, let's not be crazyer than I already am now)

Which means that every time I go to buy a bagel in the morning that I shouldn't have anyway... I'll have to decide if it's worth giving up my dollar.
Any time I want to go make a snarky comment in LJ or post meaningless crap... I'll have to decide if it's worth giving up my dollar.

you get the idea.

in the interim, I'm also going to give serious thought to the fact that as of Feb. 1st, I'll have health ins., and seeing what is entailed in that - either just taking a day to go talk to someone, or joining the ranks of the pharmaceutically eccentric for a while. We'll see. I ordered a tai chi DVD with AM & PM mediations for myself, because I've done yoga for years now & I think my energy system is just so used to it that there's no effect anymore. In order to achieve Free Super Saver Shipping, I also may have acquired The Politics of Dancing, Vol.2 by Paul Van Dyk, but hey - trance is good for the soul. Not to mention the cardio & lifting routines that I still have to do for crew.

Meanwhile, starting tomorrow & going until President's Day weekend - no bread, no pasta, no Livejournal. As Melly informed me when we were talking today, "It's a plan. It's a good plan. And I know, 'cause I'm a planner - I've even had psychological tests tell me that I'm a planner, so I can tell you. It's a plan."

I need up. I need out. I need something more than what & where I've been. Take six weeks, see what I can see...can't hurt.

6 Comments:

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Megdalen said...

Good for you! I support any and all sanity efforts. ("raaaaah! raaaah!"--- that's me cheering, from very far away.)

Meg

 
At 3:29 PM, Anonymous Mr. Whyt said...

Good luck and happy new year

 
At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Elayna said...

Good Luck! I am going for a slightly opposite approach I think, i.e. moving away from other things and towards Live Journal - when I feel like posting that is :)

I hope you had a good New Year and I hope you have a good six weeks :)

 
At 11:03 AM, Anonymous raithen said...

you plan people you! ;)

Go team you!

and, consolidating comments:
Apparently, there is now a movie I should rent. Cool.

Also, I'd vote for dating guys whose names start with X, just for the hell of it. But that would limit you to new agey type boys whose parents named them after World Conquering emperors and then were too lazy to use the first three letters. And even I am not THAT mean.... ;)

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger R.S. Monkey said...

Holy SH#$! Good luck with this experiment. My come to Jesus and New World Order involved me replacing my Frankling Covey inserts POST first of year - shaddup :-P

p.s. Does this mean we go to the place without peanuts on the floor AFTER six weeks?

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger claris said...

no, I didn't swear off the alkeehawl. Not that I have that much of it anyway. Besides, the peanuts on the floor isn't for me, it's for H-to-tha-third! ;)

 

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