Friday, February 10, 2006

meh.

All I have wanted to do lately is nap. Not like, a full up sleep, because that would be admitting defeat to the REM Gods (the ones of which Michael Stipe is not a member) Instead, I just seem to want to lay in bed, half awake, half asleep, and then nothing gets done... but the dog is diggin the naptime. But I need to stay up tonight, and do the dishes, and run laundry, and clean my apartment...I always MEAN to clean my apt., I just..can't seem to care enough to do it...

I think I know what I want to do for not only VotD.com, but also for the next version of GoA.com. I just...need the energy to do it. I feel like I've just barely got enough oomph in me to manage crew & work - anything outside of that, I just... can't seem to give a damn about. Or I do, and I have things I want to accomplish, but the actual accomplishing seems to get lost somewhere in the mix. I don't even know that I care about crew anymore. I just feel... apathetic. I keep looking at stuff & thinking, "Why do I bother to do this?" I'm tired of personal politics, and people's feelings, and what I'm doing wrong or what I'm not doing that I should be, and just...everything. And I'm tired of the fact that I seem to be endlessly tired.

And so I have two hours left in my workday, after which I shall go home, take off my wet sneakers, and attempt to make the motions that signal my life is continuing - because I learned long ago that it's just going to keep going, even if I don't really care right now what I see when I look out the window.

2 Comments:

At 2:29 PM, Anonymous raithen said...

{{hugs}}

and you know, it's ok to surrender to the REM Gods every now and then! Or not, as you wish ;)

Naps are good, too.

I'm housesitting a 6 month Golden Retriever this week. She has a great outlook on life: GO GO GO! PLAY! *CRASH* Sleep. lather, rinse, repeat :D.

 
At 2:33 PM, Anonymous raithen said...

also, sticking my nose where it assuredly does NOT belong: but are you eating any carbs at all? because the lack of energy and mehness COULD be a reflection of too little food energy - you are living a high intensity lifestyle and need fuel, after all. Just like the Kia ;). And there have been some studies which link depression-like symptoms (I'm NOT saying you are depressed, but apathy and meh-ness fall in there) with a low-carb diet. So for what it's worth, I'm mentionning it.

 

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